Sometimes the most obvious advice is exactly what I need. A while back my brother, Dooley said to me, “I never go into a meeting without first knowing exactly what I want the outcome to be.” Honestly, this had NEVER occurred to me. I always just showed to meetings and rolled with whatever was happening. It’s fair to say I just never gave it a moments thought.
Last month I had a meeting with the Director of the Farmers’ Market. My first instinct was to do what I’ve always done for a meeting – um, that would be to do nothing. Then I remembered Dooley’s advice and I thought I might just do it differently. Almost nothing in my life is as it used to be, so why not this also?
I spent a couple of hours, I wrote down what I wanted. I wrote down what was needed. I wrote down how my skill set could fill the needs. I wrote down my presentation.
I did it differently.
Dooley is a genius! I left with a raise and a promotion. I am now the Marketing Manager for the Santa Fe Farmers’ Market. I feel like a real live grown up. I am busier than I have been in the last 10 years. Having responsibilities is more empowering than I could have ever imagined, it is a game changer.
Most importantly, I am able to do the work. I have the energy. Granted, I am only a month in, but every part of me knows the energy will only continue to increase. I am rebuilding my body at a cellular level. This process is very slow, but it is working. I know I will have a full recovery. I just have to let go of exactly what that looks like.
The healing protocol from Dr. Wahls is changing my life. It has demanded of me my undivided attention. It has asked for me to put all my skin in the game. My money, my time, my faith, my commitment, my spirit; I’M ALL IN! My dedication to myself has never been so strong, or felt so right. It takes courage to love and believe in yourself on this level. Strange concept, but it holds pure truth.
Some of the changes in my life are quite intentional while others just seem to be happening to me by not doing. I know this is vague. It’s like I am finally getting out of my own way. Ever since I started the diet, I have changed; thankfully, but not intentionally. My old life is falling away. This is interesting, humbling, surprising and sometimes hurtful. What fascinates me is while it’s difficult, I also know it is necessary and okay.
“I want my life back!” was a statement I used to make often. Now I am so looking forward to all that my new life is bringing to me. My old life was a lot of fun, but I don’t want to stay too long at the fair, it’s time to do it differently.
This might be what ‘surrender’ is for me. I am surrendering my old life. Looking forward to a new life. Sometimes it feels like a trial by fire, but It feels right. It feels scary. I guess it’s what it feels like to lean heavily into faith.
Until next time -c